apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
