He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
