Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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