ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
