I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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