In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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