Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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