He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
