Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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