I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
