the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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