Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
