just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
