she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
