I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
