I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
