What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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