and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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