You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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