As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
