i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
