He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
