Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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