heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
