i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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