I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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