Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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