Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
