I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
