I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
