If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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