you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
