I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This baby is an asshole
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
