I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need moral support for this bender
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
