I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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