Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
