the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
