I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
