So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
