So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
