grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize