Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize