after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
