i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
