I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize