I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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