Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
