Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
