Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
