my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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