she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
