hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
