Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize