why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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