I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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