she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
