I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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