It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
