I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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