I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
two words: eviction party
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
