why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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