If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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