Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize