Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
