How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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