great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
