Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We have started to decorate penises.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
