Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
