The maid of honor just puked.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
