Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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