I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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