he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
