I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
