I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
