i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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