i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
try to milk me bitch
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